White Kitchen Towels

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They say moms placed in a life or death situations with their children develop superhuman strength. Last night during a tantrum, I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth.

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They say God only gives you what you can handle. Apparently, God thinks I’m a badass.

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The good thing about water is that you can have it in your workplace. Now, what’s special about vodka is that it looks like water.

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Ten years ago I was cool. Today I awoke to a child’s finger in my nose, wore pj’s all day and applied antiwrinkle cream. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

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Nothing like a woman with a brilliant mind and an indecent mouth.

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Instead of “single” as my relationship status, I prefer “Independently Owned and Operated.”

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I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself.

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I don’t always learn my lesson. But when I do, you can bet I learned it the hard way.

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Not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be OK.

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I am so glad I was wild & crazy before there were cell phones and evidence / Kitchen Towel

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Some things are better left unsaid which I generally realize after I have said them / Kitchen Towel

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Teachers are superheroes. The End.

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I hate it when I’m singing and the artist gets it wrong.

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Happy House

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Custom ZIP Code Personalizable White Kitchen Tea Towel

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Controlling My Tongue Is No Problem It’s My Facial Expressions That Need Work Kitchen Towel

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My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.

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If you met my family you would understand

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I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

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I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I can get done in an entire week.

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