sarcastic,

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As long as we do it all exactly as I planned it, I can be totally flexible. / 14″x14″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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In my defense, I was left unsupervised. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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The only thing to fear is fear itself …and spiders. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent sarcasm. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

14x6
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Sarcasm is my spirit animal. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Another fine day ruined by responsibility / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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If raising children is such a priceless experience, why does it have to be so expensive? / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

14x6
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I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely productive at unimportant things. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

14x6
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Life would be infinitely better if pinatas magically appeared throughout the day. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Sometimes I pretend to be normal. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Excuse me while I strap your phone to my forehead so I can at least pretend you are looking at me when I talk. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Out of my mind (back in five minutes) / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Nope, no monsters here. Carry on. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

14x6
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I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

14x6
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I’ve got a good heart, but this mouth. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Buy your mother a margarita. You’re the reason she drinks. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Kids and silence go together like matches and roman candles. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Laundry room -get all the good dirt here- / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t rememer which one of us is the bad influence. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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I’m feeling a little overworked and underintoxicated. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Hey y’all / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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