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I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would. / Natural Kitchen Towel

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I Saw That Karma / Kitchen Towel

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I Sleep with Dogs / Kitchen Towel

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I used to have a handle on life. But the handle broke off.

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I want to be a mature adult. I really do. But I also want to eat ice cream and wear pajamas all day. Do you see my dilemma here?

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I was diagnosed with OCCABD. Obsessive, compulsive, cursing, angry bitch disorder. There is no cure.

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I was going to bake you a cake, but alcohol sounded much better.

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I was going to throw in the towel but then I remembered how much laundry I already have / Grey Kitchen Towel

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I was going to throw in the towel, but then I remembered how much laundry I already have to do.

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I wasn’t born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could.

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I will survive / Natural Kitchen Towel

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I wish I was the person I thought I could … Towel

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I won’t be remembered as a woman who kept her mouth shut. I’m OK with that.

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I’d love to, but my dog said no.

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I’ll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

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I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver hoggin’ up the road on my p-p-p-plower, chug a lug a luggin’ 5 miles an hour on my International Harvester

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I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want.… Towel

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I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if it runs out, I’ll drink the red.

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I’m going to be the life of the party (as long as it all ends by 8:30 pm.) / Natural Kitchen Towel

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I’m going to be the life of the party (as long as it all ends by 8:30 pm)

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