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Unless your parenting advice includes which wine pairs best with six loads of laundry, kindly keep it to yourself.

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Bacon (noun) The reason I am not a vegetarian.

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You’re Not Drinking Alone If The Dog Is Home Kitchen Towel

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One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.

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If you have to ask if it is too early to drink wine, you’re an amateur and we can’t be friends.

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I want to be a mature adult. I really do. But I also want to eat ice cream and wear pajamas all day. Do you see my dilemma here?

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Dishes then Wine … actually I’ll skip the dishes / Kitchen Towel

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I feel like I should clean the house … Towel

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Sorry for what I said during the football game.

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I used to have a handle on life. But the handle broke off.

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Resting Beach Face Even After Coffee

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How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

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My cooking is so awesome even the smoke alarm cheers me on / Kitchen Towel

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I love that you’re my mom White Kitchen Towel

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To the world, you are a mother, but to your family, you are the world.

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Lord Keep your arm around my shoulder and you hand over my mouth

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Only in Minnesota/Wisconsin can 40 degrees bring so much joy to so many people.

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We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.

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Snowman / Kitchen Tea Towel

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Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol. / Natural Kitchen Towel

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