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I am sorry for the things I said when it was winter.

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I don’t go to the hair salon to get a haircut. I go there so someone will massage my scalp, tell me I look amazing, talk to me about anything other than cartoons, and mentally prepare me to go back to battle for four more weeks.

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I don’t sing in the shower. I perform.

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I got vaccinated… but still want some of you to stay away from me. / Natural Kitchen Towel

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I have put one drink in each room. I’m gonna get dressed and go bar hopping.

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I just want 15 minutes with no one needing me, touching me, texting me, or talking to me. Is that really too much to ask?

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I read banned books.

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I want it all and I want it delivered

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I want to go home, but my kids are there.

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I was going to bake you a cake, but alcohol sounded much better.

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I was socially isolating before it was cool.

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I’ll be Irish in a few beers. (SOME GREEN INK)

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I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver hoggin’ up the road on my p-p-p-plower, chug a lug a luggin’ 5 miles an hour on my International Harvester

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I’m feeling a little overworked & underintoxicated

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I plugged a USB in on the first try. There’s nothing stopping me today.

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I’m not drunk. I’m Irish. (SOME GREEN INK)

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I’ve lost my mind. I’m pretty sure the kids took it.

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It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a vineyard to homeschool one.

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Kitchen for display only

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