Humor

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I like my butt rubbed and my pork pulled / Kitchen Tea Towel

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Fuck it. Let’s order take out / Kitchen Tea Towel

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Don’t fuck up the kitchen / Kitchen Tea Towel

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This bitch can cook / Kitchen Tea Towel

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Clean the fuck up / Kitchen Tea Towel

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Rock out with your crock out / Kitchen Tea Towel

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When in doubt Pull it Out / Kitchen Tea Towel

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Fork you / Kitchen Tea Towel

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The problem with political jokes is too many of them get elected.

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If you met my family you would understand

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One martini, two martini, three martini, Floor!

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My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.

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The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.

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Coffee Chocolate Men. Some things are just better rich.

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I like to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in my food.

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My cooking is so awesome, even the smoke alarm cheers me on.

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I’ll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

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That’s how I roll.

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I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself.

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