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Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Friends are like therapists you can drink with / 10×10 Reclaimed Wood Sign

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I’m great in bed. I can sleep all day / 14×6 Reclaimed Wood Wall Decor

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Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened / 6×14 Reclaimed Wood Wall Decor

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I’m a little bit crazy. It’s all part of my charm. If you don’t like it, then get off my unicorn. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Oh, I would be happy to drop everything to deal with your emergency because of your lack of planning. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Don’t worry dishes, nobody is doing me either / 14×6 Reclaimed Wood Wall Decor

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I have it all together (I just forgot where I put it.) / 14×6 Reclaimed Wood Sign

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I hope your day is as nice as your butt / 6×14 Reclaimed Wood Wall Decor

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I am not responsible for what my face does when you speak. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Classy, Sassy, and a bit smart assy / 14×6 Reclaimed Wood Wall Decor

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Nope, no monsters here. Carry on. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Every day, I understand the phrase, “I’m getting too old for this shit,” on a whole new level. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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I know there is a lot of money in aviation because I put it there. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Always be yourself unless you can be a dragon. Then you should always be a dragon. / 6″x14″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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Be a unicorn in a field of horses. / 14″x6″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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I told my wife she should embrace her … / 14″x6″ Wood Sign

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I hope you step on a Lego. (nothing personal) / 6″x14″ Reclaimed Wood Sign

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The best things in life will …/ 14″x6″ Wood Sign

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