You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.

One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.

How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for diner.

Everyone thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE... Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat.

I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol.

Unless your parenting advice includes which wine pairs best with six loads of laundry, kindly keep it to yourself.

Good friends offer advice and wisdom. *Best friends come over unannounced with vodka, super-hero costumes, glitter, fireworks, and bacon.

My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.

Some days its nice to just relax and have a cocktail and then, other days it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail.

I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

I don't have the blood alcohol to deal with you right now.6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Apparently, "alcohol" is not an appropriate answer to "What motivates you?"

One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign

To me, "drink responsibly" means DON'T SPILL IT.

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

Bacon (noun) The reason I am not a vegetarian.

My cooking is so awesome, even the smoke alarm cheers me on.

I don't always drink wine, but... yes I do.

Come here you giant cup of beautiful coffee and lie to me about how much we are going to get done today.

Looking for a wine that pairs well with my kids being home all day.6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I like to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in my food.

Keep your friends close, keep your bourbon closer.10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign