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I can tell by your sarcastic undertones and sheer lack of common decency that you and I were meant to be best friends.
A fun thing to do in the morning is not talk to me.6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes chocolate a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as a salad. The End.
I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.
Dear Lord, Please don't let my husband be home when all my online orders arrive. -Amen..
To me, "drink responsibly" means DON'T SPILL IT.
If you have to ask if it is too early to drink wine, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.
Kitchen for display only
I have a ton of excitement in my life. (I used to call it stress, but I feel much better now that I call it excitement.)
Yes, I can still party like an absolute rock star. However, it would appear that I cannot recover like one.
I accidentally sent my husband the kissy face emoji instead of the angry face, and now he thinks I like him.
One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign
I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
You're making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be.
Instead of "single" as my relationship status, I prefer "Independently Owned and Operated."
Controlling my tongue is no problem. It's my facial expressions that need some work.6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign
If there was an elf on the shelf in this house, he would most likely need therapy.
I Do Not Have Ducks Or A Row I Have Squirrels Kitchen Towel
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