Humor Towels

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Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream!

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When I win the lottery, I’m going to wait to share the money with my kids for as long as it took them to clean up like I asked them…18 years should be about right.

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I’ll Clink To That Kitchen Towel

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Your speed doesn’t matter… forward is forward. (Turtle images)

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The problem with political jokes is too many of them get elected.

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Your garden club may have scintillating discussions, but my garden club can drink your garden club under the table.

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The internet was down today. That explains why the house is so clean and dinner is on the table.

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For years, I’ve made sure the Tooth Fairy arrived faithfully anytime she was needed. Where the heck is the Alcohol Fairy when I need her?

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I don’t go to the hair salon to get a haircut. I go there so someone will massage my scalp, tell me I look amazing, talk to me about anything other than cartoons, and mentally prepare me to go back to battle for four more weeks.

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I don’t sing in the shower. I perform.

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I just want 15 minutes with no one needing me, touching me, texting me, or talking to me. Is that really too much to ask?

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I was socially isolating before it was cool.

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I’m feeling a little overworked & underintoxicated

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Sarcasm (noun) The brain’s natural defense against dumb.

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Settle down. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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When do we usually find out who the teachers are for next year? I hope it isn’t me.

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Please Use Me Kitchen Towel

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If life gives you lemons, make lemonade…and then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party!

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If only there was a vaccine for stupidity / Natural Kitchen Towel

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I don’t want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.

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