White Kitchen Towels
I accidentally sent my husband the kissy face emoji instead of the angry face, and now he thinks I like him.
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Instead of “single” as my relationship status, I prefer “Independently Owned and Operated.”
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I was diagnosed with OCCABD. Obsessive, compulsive, cursing, angry bitch disorder. There is no cure.
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Now accepting applications for a partner in crime: Must be fluent in smart ass, sarcasm and adult language. Questionable morals and nudity may be required. Slackers need not apply.
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Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.
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Dear Karma, I have a list of people you forgot.
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Settle down. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
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I don’t go to the hair salon to get a haircut. I go there so someone will massage my scalp, tell me I look amazing, talk to me about anything other than cartoons, and mentally prepare me to go back to battle for four more weeks.
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Your kindness melts my heart.
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We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.
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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
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I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. John 14:6
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God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble. So we will not fear. Psalm 46:1-2a
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Fill us each morning with your love, so that we may sing and be glad all of our lives. Psalm 90:14
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Unless your parenting advice includes which wine pairs best with six loads of laundry, kindly keep it to yourself.
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I don’t always drink wine, but… yes I do.
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In everything, always give thanks.
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In this house, we play fetch, go for walks, clean up messes, accept bad breath, get wet kisses, give belly rubs, go for rides, & love dogs.
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I want to go home, but my kids are there.
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When I win the lottery, I’m going to wait to share the money with my kids for as long as it took them to clean up like I asked them…18 years should be about right.
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Dog kisses welcome here
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A home isn’t a home until it has a cat.
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She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.
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If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.
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