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Wine gets better with time. I get better with wine / Natural Kitchen Towel

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Everyone thinks that a girl’s dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE… Every girl’s dream is to eat without getting fat.

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Some days its nice to just relax and have a cocktail and then, other days it’s nice to just relax and have a cocktail.

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PARENT OF THE YEAR AWARD: Helping your child search for the chocolate you ate last night.

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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for diner.

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Come here you giant cup of beautiful coffee and lie to me about how much we are going to get done today.

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They say moms placed in a life or death situations with their children develop superhuman strength. Last night during a tantrum, I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth.

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The good thing about water is that you can have it in your workplace. Now, what’s special about vodka is that it looks like water.

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My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.

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I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

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Unless your parenting advice includes which wine pairs best with six loads of laundry, kindly keep it to yourself.

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Bacon (noun) The reason I am not a vegetarian.

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How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

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Apparently, “alcohol” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

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Nothing says “I mean business” like using a cart at the liquor store.

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Good friends offer advice and wisdom. *Best friends come over unannounced with vodka, super-hero costumes, glitter, fireworks, and bacon.

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I like to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in my food.

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For Christmas, I’ll be having my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”

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I don’t always drink wine, but… yes I do.

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Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol.

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